A millennium of hits
11.28.03 (12:38 pm) [edit]8 days...
Ive had over a thousand hits on this blog!! A very proud day indeed, even when you take away the fact that a lot will have been me...
Anyway, the footy, we won! 1 - nil.
It wasn't the best game ive been to by a long shot but in a knockout competition the result is what matters...
(if i keep telling myself that i might actually start to believe it, we were bloody awful in the first half, Thank God for Steven Gerrard! without him and Kewell Liverpool would be finished)
My leaving bash is tomorrow so im not out tonight save myself for the hard drinking, loads of people have said there coming, most of them aren't really arsed that im going they all just want an excuse to go out on an all day bender, which is great because thats what i'd be thinking if the shoe was on the other foot...(except i don't need an excuse!)
so just 8 days... fuck i need a drink
Matty
You'll never walk alone!
11.27.03 (4:05 pm) [edit]9 days...
Ugh! All Beer No Sleep Make Matty A Dull Boy...
but you should have seen me on the pool table last night I rocked... and I won a few games of pool as well!
*drum roll cymbal crash*
So got wasted again last night and saw The Doctor so ive only had 4 hours sleep which is not enough for me..
But im going to see the Mighty Reds tonight with a few mates so im happy. We play Steaua Bucharast in the Euro Vase. Its 1 -1 from the first leg so we got plenty to play for. Its also going to be my last game for over 12 months!
And ive just realised that all the Euro 2004 games will kick off at 3 o'clock IN THE MORNING when im in OZ!
Ive got some mad all nighters to look forward to...
Matty
Final Hurrah!
11.26.03 (5:48 pm) [edit]10 days...
Figured out my itinerary for my weekend leaving bash
[b]1pm Lamb for practise drinking.[/b]
Some light drinking to "Wet the whistle" and find a table, a nice easy start to the day.
[b]3pm Watch the footy and amateur drinking [/b]
Some light to moderate drinking to help the football banter along while watching the match, early indications have pointed to a Everton and/or Leeds game will be on ( NB Mike's sarcastic laugh will start at this time)
[b]5pm/6pm Food[/b]
A light meal in one of the many fine High Street eateries to line the stomach for the evening ahead.
[b]
7pm Semi Professional drinking[/b]
Well fed, we begin the arguing about where about in town we all want to go. Paul suggests Pogues.
Doyle suggests Walk"around for hours never pull"about. Mike suggests Runcorn because Jo is out tonight
Andy knows where we can drink Champagne for £3.50 a bottle all night.
[b]9pm Professional drinking plus leering[/b]
Having done the dance of the three taxis we will eventually arrive in town. Mike's round will always be the £1 "shots"
round as he has legal precedent on this. We will congregate in a large circle pointing out attractive females.
APPROACHING THEM IS FORBIDDEN AT THIS TIME
[b]10pm Professional drinking plus leching[/b]
Lewd and suggestive comments shall now be allowed towards females but only those who are too far away to hear or those that look young, stupid and are standing outside Topshop with a bottle of Diamond White.
[b]11pm International level drinking![/b]
The ale will be flowing nicely, you will think that you are the most witty, intelligent and good looking person in the room.
You will also be thinking that balancing a glass on your head is a good idea and following your mates in jumping down a flight of steps even though your name is Pogo or you have a metal plate in your leg.
[b]12pm International level drinking plus women![/b]
You may by now be talking to some ladies, who will be in one of the two categories i) slightly mentally unbalanced and will follow you round the club and attempt to argue with you or ii) ugly.
[b]1am International level drinking plus dancing!! [/b]
For some reason you can not explain you will find yourself in O'Neil's either doing the above or more probably dancing like a fool with a lady of a certain age who is wearing a white veil and L plates ( or a friend of hers at least.) Not to worry you won't remember any of this ( unfortunately your friends will)
[b]2am My God Im still standing(but not very well)[/b]
Hopefully at this point you will find yourself in a taxi heading for an unknown location with an attractive female, more likely though is that you'll be staggering back out of town, trying to flag down every car that goes by wondering if a kebab is a good idea and thinking " Isn't Matty a tit!"
Matty
Is that a gun in your pocket... Yes it is!
11.25.03 (6:35 pm) [edit]11 days...
Ive just found the coolest place to visit in Las Vegas...
A gun store.. Where you can hire and fire guns!!
But not just guns... Machine Guns!!!! All for only a few dollars.
I am anti gun really and am all for gun control (especially in the States.. Ive watched Bowling for Columbine) but Im a young British man and have grown up watching American cop shows and films where every "motherfucker" has got a gun. The closest we Brits are likely to come to weaponary is clay pigeon shooting which is not quite the same as having a go of a M16!
So i shall definitely be giving the Vegas Gun store a visit, just to say i have done it... have just got to decide which one off the menu i would like to try!
Machine Guns Available:
Colt M16 Carbine .223
Valmet AK47 Assault Rifle .223
H&K MP5 SMG 9mm
Colt M16 SMG 9mm
UZI SMG 9mm
Thompson M1A1 SMG .45
STEN MKII SMG 9mm
Madsen M50 SMG 9mm (suppressed)
MP40 "Schmeisser" SMG 9mm
Stemple "K" SMG 9mm
M3A1 "Grease Gun" SMG .45
OMG
Matty
PS. Check out their website [http://www.thegunstorelasvega...] especially the staff picture! :shock:
The not so Beautiful Game
11.24.03 (3:58 pm) [edit]12 days...
Right Im bored of the Rugby! We won, yippie, now lets move on Im sure there's football on somewhere.
If you picked up a paper today you think that we are a nation of Rugby lovers, we're not.
We're just a bunch of tin pot trophy chasers.
No one really gives a shit about rugby, we are just happy we actually won something (anything would of done) and beat the Aussies doing it.
Lets face it rugby is a parochial sport played by a handful of countries of whom England where the biggest and had a better kicker. It would have been a shock if we hadn't of won (although we did try our best to throw it away). No one watches rugby any other time because its a stupid middle class sport.
So can we put things into perspective please and get back to the Beautiful game ( a truly global game ).
Thank God im going to Oz, at least they're not going to mention it.
Matty
Carry On Doctor
11.21.03 (1:59 pm) [edit]15 days...
Having a rather strange day today...
I've just had a text messages asking would I like to be felt up! but purely for the advancement of medical science (the prospect of which, i find the strangely arousing!)
"I love Doctors so disgustingly clinical!"
Anyway, the weekend is upon us and that means Footy (Yeah!) and of the Rugby final. (See rant below) Liverpool are off to Middlesborough, Im predicting a win as I thinking the attacking football is slowly starting to click together just need to keep a clean sheet and we'll defo win the rugby!!
Im out tonight and tomorrow so that means im going to be fucked for footy on Sunday ( which could be my last game! I'll have to check next weeks fixtures...)
oh well! such is life
Come on England
Matty
One Hell of a place!
11.20.03 (12:33 pm) [edit]16 days...
After the fun i had arguing with Jimbo below, I'd thought i'd lighten the mood with a very funny joke.
One day a guy died and found himself in hell. As he was wallowing in despair, he had his first meeting with a demon.
The demon asked, "Why so glum?"
The guy responded, "What do you think? I'm in hell!"
"Hell's not so bad," the demon said. "We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinking man?"
"Sure," the man said, "I love to drink."
"Well you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays all we do is drink. Whiskey, tequila, Guinness, wine coolers, diet Tab and Fresca. We drink till we throw up and then we drink some more!"
The guy is astounded. "That sounds great."
"You a smoker?" the demon asked.
"You better believe it!"
"You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from all over the world and smoke our lungs out. If you get cancer, no biggie. You're already dead,
remember?"
"Wow, the guy said, "That's awesome!"
The demon continued. "I bet you like to gamble."
"Why yes, as a matter of fact I do."
"Wednesdays you can gamble all you want. Craps, blackjack, roulette, poker, slots, whatever. If you go bankrupt, well, you're dead anyhow. You into drugs?"
The guy said, "Are you kidding? I love drugs! You don't mean . . ."
"That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack, or smack. Smoke a doobie the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want, you're dead, who cares!"
"Wow," the guy said, starting to feel better about his situation, "I never realized Hell was such a cool place!" The demon said, "You gay?"
"No."
"Ooooh, you're gonna hate Fridays!"
Matty
Come on Yerian bring it on!
11.20.03 (6:36 am) [edit]17 days...
Jimbo Yerian you are seriously misguided and deluded. Some of the points in the articles you have posted are facile, obtuse, erroneous and even down right racist.
Your most glaring inconsistency is that the Nazi's were a party of the left simply because their formal title N.S.D.A.P (National Socialist German Worker's Party) included the word 'SOCIALIST'
Oh my word!
This is one of the most embarrassing anachronisms I have ever laid eyes on. Listen Jimbo, you have to place things in their true historical context.
Now I could launch into a full blown History lesson about the origins of Fascism and Nazism and their inherent contradictions, the political expediency of the word 'Socialist' for the Nazis, and more importantly what the meaning of the title 'National Socialist' was for the Nazi leadership and especially Hitler....etc etc
But I am sure they have already been throughly discussed on Fox News (always unfair and unbalanced)
P.S Jimbo, I wonder what God thinks of your claim to be omniscient.
Matty
Clever Little Me
11.19.03 (3:30 pm) [edit]17 days...
Im not singing today but thanks to Mike for reminding me of our fondness for the death sport known as Drunken Karoke. (I swear we are lucky to make it out of some pubs in one piece!)
Anyway look what i did! No not that.. Over here -
Took me all lunch to finally figure out how to add the little pictures and links. I realise this is most probably common knowledge and you are sitting there laughing at such basic programming but to me its the crowning achievement of my blog.
Right need a link to Evertonareshite.com...
Matty
Song For Bush
11.18.03 (12:34 pm) [edit]Still 18 days..
Since little Georgie Bush comes to the UK this week, I thought a welcoming song might be appropriate..
(Sing to the tune of " If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands")
[u][b]When you're happy and you know it bomb Iraq[/b][/u]
If you cannot find Osama, bomb Iraq.
If the markets are a drama, bomb Iraq.
If the terrorists are frisky,
Pakistan is looking shifty,
North Korea is too risky,
Bomb Iraq.
If we have no allies with us, bomb Iraq.
If we think someone has dissed us, bomb Iraq.
So to hell with the inspections,
Let's look tough for the elections,
Close your mind and take directions,
Bomb Iraq.
It's "pre-emptive non-aggression", bomb Iraq.
Let's prevent this mass destruction, bomb Iraq.
They've got weapons we can't see,
And that's good enough for me
'Cos it'all the proof I need
Bomb Iraq.
If you never were elected, bomb Iraq.
If your mood is quite dejected, bomb Iraq.
If you think Saddam's gone mad,
With the weapons that he had,
(And he tried to kill your dad),
Bomb Iraq.
If your corporate fraud is growin', bomb Iraq.
If your ties to it are showin', bomb Iraq.
If your politics are sleazy,
And hiding that ain't easy,
And your manhood's getting queasy,
Bomb Iraq.
Fall in line and follow orders, bomb Iraq.
For our might knows not our borders, bomb Iraq.
Disagree? We'll call it treason,
Let's make war not love this season,
Even if we have no reason,
Bomb Iraq
Matty
(Song courtesy of some website i nicked it off)
Come on England!
11.18.03 (11:23 am) [edit]18 days...
IN-GER-LAND! IN-GER-LAND!
The Rugby World Cup Final is on Saturday, and although I would normally rather endure Chinese water torture than watch rugger, I feel i have a vested interest in this game because England play the Aussies!
For im about to spend most of next year as a guest of this nation, i'd like to have something which i can smile at and point to when the conversations of sporting dominance come round ( because they surely will, as Pom bashing is their national sport after all).
You see, the Aussies beat us at everything! Cricket, Rugby League, Tennis, All types of Athletics (despite the best efforts of our THG taking boys) swimming..EVERTHING*
Worse of all they even beat us at football not so long ago!!! Football!!! They have Paul Okon as captain forgodsake, how did they beat us at footy...
So just for once im hoping, no im praying, that we win on Saturday just so we can wipe that cocky grin off a few tanned Aussie faces!!
So bring on the beer stained rugby shirt and the blow up sheep ( essential tools for Rugby supporter) and sing..
*Stands with beer in one hand, St Georges Flag in the other*
"SWING LO SWEET CHARIOT..."
Matty
* Croquet is a notable exception but that is only due to the fact that the English won't tell anyone the rules.
boring saturday!
11.15.03 (8:56 pm) [edit]21 days...
Got disgraceful drunk last night...again! :o) ( Ive started to notice the running theme of alcohol in my blog)
Keep having flashbacks of the silly things I done *shakes head while remember another "incident"*
The makers of apple schnaps of a lot to answer for!
So im staying in tonight to save money and play with blog... and update my weblog too! ( ba da boom!)
Right where my beginners guide to HTML...
Matty
How insulting!
11.13.03 (2:55 pm) [edit]23 days...
Whilst reading some of your more colourful comments, it got me thinking of some of the best insults and put downs i've heard (and Ive heard a lot.. especially by women to my face for some reason?) and then I stumbled on to this from movie magazine Empireonline[http://www.empireonline.co.uk...]. The Movie Insult Generator. Some of the finest insults that Hollywood has to offer. Very funny
My favourite movie insult has got to be from a film called Withnail and I which simple goes:
" Monty! You terrible cunt! "
Enjoy
Matty
(Note: Author of blog takes no responsibility for hate and/or fear spread by Movie Insult Generator)
Trans-atlantic insults rock!
11.12.03 (1:22 pm) [edit]24 days...
Ouch! You people don't pull any punches... I mean some of the things you said...
"What's it like to be dropped on your head and then left in a dumpster behind a women's health facility"
( A personal favourite, this insult should win an award!)
I am really sorry for my friends comments, but take comfort in the fact my friend is old and bald and getting older and balder by the day... ( Right he's bound to do it again after that crack so newly insulted people see previous post below, but feel free to leave your own insult for my entertainment)
My "boring" and "pathetic" blog will return as normal soon.
Matty
Revenge!
11.11.03 (11:00 am) [edit]25 days...
Ah revenge! A dish a best served cold...
Unfortunatly for me (and quite possibly you) My Friend Mike ( see previous entry ) took a dislike to some malicious ( but true!) gossip i posted about him and has been posting nasty messages disguised as me..
but im innocent! (of this crime at least)
So if you have got a message from "Gello" that says its external then My Friend Mike has been exacting his revenge, for which i apologise. You are collateral damage in a very childish game.
But fear not I will revenge this act for you (and me).
Right we're going nuclear... where's the number for the Local Authority Child Protection Unit
Matty
Everyone's got something to hide except me and my monkey!
11.10.03 (2:19 pm) [edit]26 days....
Liverpool lost 2 - 1 yesterday to the Scum...
bugger!
And the weekend was going so well up to that point.. ( I got really drunk and met some old friends) So im slightly despondent* this morning...
Ah well!
On a brighter note my blog is picking up traffic and not just from very cynical friends who now deem themselves writing critics! (You know who you are! Being this bad is an art!!)
plus i only have 4 weeks left in this job!! ( strange I really hated it at first now Im just slightly resentful of it, must be growing on me)
and Everton might get beat tonight at Blackburn.
So there is a sliver lining...
Matty
* despondent read hungover
PYROMANIA!
11.05.03 (1:46 pm) [edit]30 days....
(Only 30 DAYS!! Christ! Im not at all prepared for this travelling lark.. I need to start making lists of things i need to do or get or both... but where to start??? Ive just been sat in pubs for the last few weeks talking about travelling and not actually doing anything constructive towards it... God Im lazy!!)
To take my mind of this looming deadline, im off to watch the fireworks display in the park tonight as its Bonfire night... I love Bonfire night! All those fireworks and huge fires.. its great.. kind of primative in a way.
Think i may be a pyromaniac
Matty
